Exercises in Cutting Creative Writing
Answer Sheet to Class in Editing Overly-Wordy Action
Jan 20, 2009
In the previous article in this series, Learning to Trim Unnecessary Words you were shown how to identify the essential parts of a piece of creative writing. You were asked to cut unnecessary words, phrases and sentences in a passage.
The Passage Cut to the Maximum.
“Where have you been?”
Tom’s expression changed from exhaustion to rage. “What’s it to you?”
“I’ve been waiting for two hours. You missed the twins’ concert.” Marcie’s eyes filled with tears.
“Here.” Tom handed her a tissue. “Go and fix your makeup.”
Marcie grabbed a pair of scissors.
Tom clutched his hands to his throat. “No, Marcie… no! ”
But Marcie seized his tie, and snipped it in half. “I’ll teach you to cheat on me!”
“I’m late,” Tom said coldly, “because I was saving the life of an unborn baby.”
Cutting Too Much Hinders Character Development
The extract has been cut by over two thirds. But it is too abrupt. It doesn’t use the opportunities available to build up the details of their relationship, or to tell us more about each character.
Actions Show How your Characters Interrelate
Add in action to show how each character behaves in relation to the other, and how their emotions are reflected in their behaviour.
- Some action could help build Marcie’s state of mind in the first sentence.
- Tom’s anger is shown by the act of throwing the keys on the table, but it needs to be explained a little.
- By building up Marcie’s tears, it becomes clear that she uses them to manipulate Tom. Her anger when he rejects her shows she may be putting them on.
- Tom’s actions – hanging up his coat, asking what is for dinner, display his coldness and insensitivity towards his wife. This is compounded by his telling her she looks like a raccoon.
- Marcie’s attack on the tie seems surprising, until Tom snaps that it was Dior. This shows how much he cares about possessions, and shows how Marcie knows what will annoy him most.
The Passage Cut and Rewritten to Reveal the Characters
Marcie opened the front door as Tom fumbled for his key on the doorstep. “Where have you been?” she demanded.
Tom was worn out. The last thing he needed was his wife yelling at him. Not after the day he’d had. “What’s it to you?” His voice was cold as he flung the keys onto the marble table.
“I’ve been waiting for two hours. You missed the twins’ concert.” Marcie’s eyes filled, and she fumbled in her sleeve for a tissue.
“Don’t start crying now,” Tom said coldly. He took off his coat and hung it in the closet. “What’s for dinner?”
Marcie began to sob.
Tom looked at her with revulsion. “You can’t manipulate me by crying. I’ve got wise to that little trick. Go and clean up your face. You look like a raccoon.”
A flash of anger surged through Marcie. She looked around for a weapon. One of the twins had left the scissors on the table. She grabbed them.
Tom clutched his hands to his throat. “No, Marcie!”
But Marcie wasn’t going for his throat. She grabbed his tie and hacked it in half. “I’ll teach you to cheat on me!” she snarled.
“That was Dior, you stupid cow.” Tom pushed her aside and shoved open the kitchen door. “And for your information”, he snapped, “I’m late because I was saving the life of an unborn baby”.
Learn More about Writing Technique
There are more opportunities to practice cutting unnecessary description of action at Writing Exercise in Cutting Unnecessary Action.
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