How Passive Writing Can Kill a Novel
Hints & Tips on Improving Narrative Style for Suspense Storytelling
Apr 22, 2009
Overuse of passive verbs is a hidden evil within novel writing and is often the reason why publishers reject a work of fiction. But what is passive writing?
What is the Passive Voice in Writing?
Passive writing is essentially telling and not showing. It can leave the reader feeling remote from the story as though being spoon-fed the events rather than feeling it for themselves The telltale signs of passive wiring is the overuse of the verbs “was” and “were.” Other overused and deadening verbs are “had” and “felt.”
Introducing Active Verbs into the Fiction Novel
The tautest plot and the most engaging characters may not be enough to keep the reader with the story if the style of writing is overly passive. The answer is to turn the passive verb into an active verb. The resultant writing style becomes active rather than passive. Here is a simple example of turning a passive sentence into an active sentence.
- Passive example: “The sun was shining.”
- Active example: “The sun shone.”
The first sentence suggests that the sun was having the shining done to it. The sun is passive.
The second sentence suggests that the sun is doing the shining itself. The sun is active.
The passive sentence is also inferior because it requires more words than an active sentence. Why use four words when three would do?
How to Improve Writing Style
The effect is culminative throughout the novel and can leave it feeling sluggish and heavy. Read the following passive passage, and then the active to see the effect.
Passive:
The fields were dark and she was frightened. She looked around but he was not to be seen. Her legs were ready for action, so she ran. The corn felt prickly and the air felt chilly. She hoped he wouldn’t see her.
Active:
Dusk closed in but she could wait no longer. Her hands balled into fists and her legs spurted into action. The wind roared past her ears; the scent of cut corn filled her nostrils. Please don’t let him see me, she begged inside. Bile prickled the back of her throat.
In the first example, the overuse of “was”, “were” and “felt” feels sludgy. In the second example, these words have been substituted for active verbs: closed, balled, spurted, roared, filled, begged and prickled.
Making the Narrative Account Flow
Overuse of passive verbs is one thing, but eliminating them altogether is another. It is not always possible to do so and any attempt to rid of every one might leave the writing feel contorted. Watch out for their overuse, but one or two passive sentences are acceptable if it helps the words flow.
Creative Writing Ideas for Using Dynamic Verbs
Passive writing will deaden a story. The secret is to weed out as many “was” “were” and other deadening verbs such as “felt” as possible and reconstructing the sentence into the active form. This is a good exercise for beginners in writing. Use unusual and dynamic verbs instead to improve the writing style. The resultant prose will feel leaner and make the reader feel more involved with the story.
 |
 |
 |
 |
 |
