Dialogue can be either internal (what a character thinks) or external (what a character says); and although all stories contain dialogue, one of the trademarks of seasoned writers is usually how effectively and professionally they handle dialogue. Alternatively, one of the trademarks of novice writers is more often than not how “ineffectively” and “unprofessionally” they handle dialogue.
Dialogue Mistake Number One
Many beginning writers tend to think that dialogue should reflect reality, when in reality, unlike in fiction, people are apt to delay the actual point of a conversation by wasting time on such rituals as asking how someone is feeling; commenting upon the weather; making observations about someone’s wardrobe or hair; or discussing their families.
When writing fiction, however, one should allow one’s characters to get straight to the point without wasting time on conventions of politeness or mindless chitchat; otherwise one faces the distinct possibly of losing one’s readers before the end of the first page. For example, does the following exchange beteen John and Sue make a reader want to learn more or toss the story aside unread?
- Sue hurries into the restaurant. She’s running late, and it’s imperative that she and John talk - - now - - before the situation escalates. She spies him seated at a corner table and rushes over to sit down across from him.
- “Hello, Sue,” he says and glances at his watch. “I had just about given up on you and decided maybe I should go ahead and order.”
- Shrugging out of her coat, she drapes it on the back of the chair. “Well, you wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had so far,” she says. “First, my daughter lost her homework then the cat barfed all over the dining room. And Frank, well, he pitched a fit because I had forgotten to pickup his blue suit at the cleaners. After that, I had to fight that god-awful traffic on the thruway; it was bumper to bumper all the way into town. Then, once I got here, I couldn’t find a parking place.”
- “Well, at least you’re here now,” John says. “And speaking of Frank and the kids, how are they? Did Gracie’s team win their soccer game last week?”
- “Oh, they won,” she replies, “and of course Gracie is still walking on air. And how are Rachel and your daughters?”
- “Oh, they’re just fine,” John says as he studies the menu. “What sounds good to you? I think I’m going to have the Monterey Chicken; lightly breaded chicken breast smothered in cheese, mushrooms, onions, and diced red bell peppers. That and the house salad, and for desert, chocolate cheese cake.”
So on and on and on Sue and John go, talking about absolutely nothing that moves the story forward or lets the reader know why it is so imperative that they meet.
Dialogue Mistake Number Two
Another mistake many beginning writers often make is what might be called “dialogue-tag overkill.” They seem to think it’s necessary for every word out of a character’s mouth to be either preceded or followed by a dialogue tag, and not a simple tag at that, but one that is elaborate and highly descriptive, meaning it is frequently accompanied by a totally unnecessary adverb, for example:
- “I don’t understand what’s wrong,” stated John forcefully.
- Sue whined, “Oh? Well, I think you do.”
- “No, Sue, I don’t,” he insisted heatedly.
- “And,” she sobbed uncontrollably, “I think you’re being mean.”
- Sighing loudly, John queried, “Sue, please tell me what I’ve done.”
- “You already know,” she declared angrily. “So I shouldn’t have to say at thing.”
Correcting Dialogue MistakesSuch elaborate and numerous tags as those above are overly melodramatic, oftentimes unintentionally hilarious, and more often than not obtrusive, which is why one will rarely find them in the manuscript of a seasoned writer. Instead, such writers normally use the simple little words “said” or “asked,” while avoiding unnecessary adverbs, so that in their far more capable hands, the above conversation, while yet still rather inane, might read as follows:
- “I don’t understand what’s wrong,” John said.
- “Oh?” Sue said. “Well, I think you do.”
- He shook his head. “No, Sue, I don’t.”
- “And I think you’re being mean.”
- “Sue, please tell me what I’ve done.”
- “You already know, so I shouldn’t have to say a thing.”
Of course, the truth is that even some more experienced writers are guilty of “dialogue-tag overkill;” and they may even be published authors; however, one must bear in mind that amateurish stories are published all the time, especially in this electronic age, and just because a story is published on the World Wide Web does not mean it is well-written. Moreover, in all probably that amateurish story will fade into oblivion along with the website that dared foist such poorly written fiction upon its readers.
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